


Let's Talk About Sex

by je_suis_le_petit_lapin



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Anal Sex, Humor, Kid!Sniper, M/M, Oral Sex, Rimming, Sex Education, attempted humor at least, it's a series of drabbles, not during any of the sex bits don't worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-26
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-11-19 03:16:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11304597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/je_suis_le_petit_lapin/pseuds/je_suis_le_petit_lapin
Summary: Sniper never really got to learn much about sex when he was younger. Now, 40-some-odd years old and with a teammate almost 20 years his junior who knows more about it than he ever will, he might get a chance to fix that.





	Let's Talk About Sex

**Author's Note:**

> it's a series of asynchronous drabbles, so just so y'all are clear "Mickey" is him younger, in Australia, before the gravel wars, and "Sniper" is him now during the wars

Growing up on a farm, one would think that the Sniper had more than a cursory knowledge of sex.

And yes, at eleven years old, his father took him out to the lambing jug, told him that the ewe was pregnant and that “a ram had done it to her”, and showed him where the lambs were gonna come out. Three days later, he’d called Mickey out, plunked him down on a stool and had him watch the ewe give birth.

Then he told Mickey to run inside and wash his hands, and that was the extent of his official sex education.

Two years later, he’d asked his dad about the funny tickly feelings he was getting, almost every day, in his stomach. His dad had gone wide-eyed for two seconds, furrowed-brow for five more, then shook his head and walked away.

His mum hadn’t been much more help: “Talk to me when you’re engaged,” she’d laughed.

Of course Mickey was concerned, but they couldn’t have been that bad, right? His parents weren’t concerned, weren’t loading him into the ute to drive him a hundred kilometers to the hospital, so he couldn’t have been that sick. Maybe he could just ignore it and it would go away.

\--

“Seriously, you never had a blowjob before? You’re like 60!” Scout’s voice almost cracked at the end, a testament in Sniper’s eyes to how much younger Scout was than himself, how much of a creep he was for going after this bloke a decade and change younger than himself.

“‘m only 44…” Sniper mumbled, turning his eyes downward and lowering the brim of his hat.

Not one to take the hint, Scout snuggled harder into Sniper’s chest. “So? You couldn’t-a got sucked off in the 50s? …wait, was that even a thing back then?”

Sniper shrugged, an air of casualness covering up for the fact that he genuinely didn’t know. He’d only learned that there were sex practices beyond the standard, procreative way far past the age that he wanted to admit to Scout. “Never saw an animal do it on the farm.”

Scout laughed. “Do you want one now?”

Sniper froze. He hadn’t been expecting the offer, although he probably should’ve been. Scout was almost too eager during their previous sexual encounters, even if those encounters were drunk, sloppy teenage-style makeouts and, once, Scout wanking him off inside his briefs. This would be different, though. This would be Scout seeing his… him, fully naked, him and Scout, completely sober, in the light of day.

And yet, Sniper had to admit his cock was twitching ever since Scout brought the topic up. Scout had to be good with his mouth, right? He was always running it… Not that Sniper would know a good blowjob from a bad one; he’d never had anything except his own hand. And Scout’s, that one time.

What the hell, it was just a blowjob. Even he didn’t like it, at least he could say he’d done it. “Sure, why not?”

Scout smirked and trailed his fingers down Sniper’s stomach towards his waistband.

\--

Trips into the city were always a luxury to Mickey, even if they meant getting up before dawn to drive out upwards of three hours, even if they meant endlessly trying on new clothes to end up with maybe two outfits total, and even if they meant being dropped off at the library to while away his time when his mum ran some other errands.

Actually, this time, he wasn’t dreading the hours at the library, and was alternately giddy and terrified when his mum waved goodbye and turned out the doors. The second he was in the clear, he hurried over to the circulation desk.

“D- d’you have any books on health?” Mickey breathed out, willing his knees to stop knocking together.

The librarian looked him up and down. Mickey thought she could see right through him.

“How old are you?” So she could see right through him, or at least his plan.

“Um… th-thirteen, miss.” He hoped she’d believe him. He’d always looked young for his age.

She smiled and pointed to the back of the library. “In reference, near the maps.”

“Thank you!” He turned and almost took off running, before remembering where he was and forcing himself to move slowly, at least until he was out of the librarian’s sight. Once he was, he started rushing, fast-walking towards the stacks of reference books. He located the atlases after some searching, and moved along the shelf, scanning titles until he came to _The Encyclopedia of Human Health._

Grabbing the book out of the shelf, he hurried over to the arm-chair seated in one corner before laying the book on it and running back to the shelf, grabbing a slightly larger atlas and hauling it with him. He hopped up on the armchair and flipped the atlas open to a random page on his lap.

The first pages of the encyclopedia were an introduction, and a quick scan of it revealed nothing that Mickey was looking to find. He turned to the appendix, running his fingers down the S section until he came to “sex”.

At least, he was pretty sure that’s what it was called.

Double-checking the page number, he rifled through the lower corner of the book until he came to the page, and quickly located the start of the “sex” section. The first few paragraphs were mostly biological, explaining how exactly a baby got made when a “spermatozoon” came into contact with an “ovum”, and a bunch of other words he didn't quite understand. Mickey was about to give up and find another book when he saw the paragraph he was looking for.

_At the beginning of the sexual encounter, the man achieves arousal. (See arousal)_

‘That must be what that’s called…’ thought Mickey, turning to the A’s and skimming through the headings, muttering “Arousal… arousal… arousal…” before he remembered that there were probably people around and he shouldn’t let them know what he was up to.

He ran his eyes over the paragraph, once he got to it, and tried to take in as much of the information as he could.

“Feeling… sexual activity…” Mickey started mumbling to himself again, before stumbling on a new word.

_Masturbation._

There was no section on that in the book. Mickey got up to find himself a dictionary.

\--

“Oh, holy… ah!” Sniper shouted, arching his back and pushing his hips harder against Scout’s face. Scout’s tongue deftly snaked inside him.

Sniper gripped the base of his cock, just to keep himself from coming too soon, and squeezed himself around Scout’s tongue.

“Man, you like this, huh?” Scout smiled at Sniper’s soft whine when he pulled away.

“Mmhmm.” came the groan from up above. “Get back in there.”

Scout obliged, using his thumbs to pull Sniper apart and diving his tongue back inside.

“Fuck!” Sniper barked out, rocking himself over Scout’s face and starting to jerk himself off. Scout reached his hand up and took the job over from Sniper, pumping his handover Sniper’s length.

Sniper’s eyelids fluttered, and he rolled his hips, alternately pressing himself onto Scout’s tongue and bucking himself into Scout’s fist, murmuring a stream of filth.

It wasn’t long until his thighs were shaking, come spilling over onto Scout’s knuckles. Scout gave him a few more licks and crawled up the bed to lay next to Sniper, who immediately cuddled into his chest.

“That was… wow.” Sniper looked up into Scout’s eyes.

“So now you know what it’s like to be rimmed.” Scout dipped down for a kiss.

Sucking his lips into his mouth, Sniper shook his head. “You mind if you, uh…” He mimed brushing his teeth.

Scout laughed and rolled off the bed, stepping into the bathroom of Sniper’s camper van. Sniper watched Scout until the slim door closed, then rolled over and stared at the ceiling. What was Scout doing to him?

...nothing he hadn’t asked for, he’d give the kid that. Stuff he hadn’t thought he wanted? Certainly, Sniper thought, stuff he hadn’t even known about, but wouldn’t he have asked for any of this? Wouldn’t it have been too dirty?

Didn’t he feel too dirty _now_ , with what he just did? 

“I just used your mouthwash, I hope that’s-” Scout walked out of the bathroom, looking up at Sniper on his bed. “You okay, man?" 

Scout hoisted himself up onto Sniper’s bed, and Sniper gladly accepted the hug and the head snuggling into his chest. “Yeah, I’m fine, I just…”

“...you’re having second thoughts about us.”

“No, no!” Sniper fumbled over himself to get that out. “It’s…” He looked down at Scout, big blue eyes looking back up at him, wide, questioning. “I… love you?”

“That a question, Stretch?” Scout’s swagger did his best to hide the waver in his voice.

“Ye- no- I… I love you.” Shit, that was _weak_. Sniper had to try harder. “I love you.”

That time, he felt like he might’ve meant it.

\--

Here it was. He’d passed by this store a few times, always too afraid to even stop and look at the rather tasteful display. Mannequins wearing undies, a few bottles of various colored liquids, half-covered magazines...

Okay, not that tasteful. Well laid out, at least.

“Hey, kid.” A voice to his right jolted him out of his glazed-eyed staring. “You gonna come in?”

“Um, yes, sir.” He was a 20-year-old man, why did his voice still have to crack? Why did his legs have to shake as he took two of the three steps towards the door? Mickey fumbled his ID out of his pocket, shoving it into the man’s hand and staring down at his shoes as the man checked the date and photograph.

The man held the ID out under Mickey’s eyes. “Alright, come on in if you want.”

Mickey jammed the piece of plastic into his back pocket and hurried past the man into the store, keeping his eyes low in case anybody would notice him. Once he was certain the door was closed and he was safe, he looked up past the brim of his hat.

Almost every square inch of wall not covered by a rack or a display was plastered with posters, advertisements for magazines that Mickey had never seen or devices that he couldn’t even fathom the use for. He was just starting to wonder why a personal massager would need to be sold in a combo pack with an enema bag when the sales clerk popped back into his vision.

“You need help with anything?”

“Ye-, well, no, but, I- I mean…” Mickey stammered, wondering if he actually wanted what he thought he did enough to tell someone about it.

Oh, god, the humiliation…

Well, that’s what sales clerks were there for, right?

Could he even bring himself to say it?

They’ve probably heard worse, they work in a sex store.

Did he even know _how_ to ask for what he wanted?

“Well, see, lately I’ve been…”

Three seconds of tense silence as Mickey held his breath. Then it all came out. The weird feelings at night, the extra time in the shower, being overly attentive with his washcloth behind him and rubbing his fingers over himself, stammering and stumbling over his words as he tried to think of the best way to explain the sensations without being too vague or dying of embarrassment.

The salesman held out his hand to blessedly give Mickey some relief. “You want a toy for your arse.”

Mickey bit his lip and nodded.

Leading both of them over to a series of shelves on the wall, the salesman started pulling boxes down and chattering. Mickey could barely focus, distracted by first the pictures on the boxes, then the sizes of some of them, then by the thought of what he would be doing with them. His face, if it was even possible, turned even more crimson.

“...and the wide base is so that when you get all the way down on it, it…”

Mickey’s eyes snapped wide. The toy was a good solid 3 inches longer than he was, and all of a sudden he felt scared. And inadequate. “Is there anything… smaller?” He said, almost squeaked.

“Oh, you mean like a plug?"

His mouth dropped open. “Um, well, actually, I think I should probably,” Mickey looked for the right word to get him out of there. “Bye!”

He didn’t stick around to see a reaction.

\--

“Do you need help with anything?”

“Nah, we got this.” Scout waved his hand dismissively before Sniper could even open his mouth and grabbed his wrist to drag him over to the section he wanted. Sniper dutifully followed, turning his head and smiling at the garish designs on the plastic packaging.

“So anyway, since you’ve had this,” Scout paused to raise one eyebrow and grab his crotch, “you probably don’t need the smallest one.”

Sniper coughed.

“Come on, man,” Scout winked at him, “nobody cares here. Tara over there was telling me about her girlfriend eating her out last time I came in here.”

Surprising himself, Sniper barked out a laugh instead of biting his lip and blushing. “Why don’t you go tell her about you eating me out, then?”

It was Scout’s turn to blush. “Nah, man, she already knows about that when I came here asking for flavored lube. Anyway, let’s pick out a toy.”

Happy enough with his ability to get one over on Scout, Sniper walked over to the display and picked up a few boxes, reading their labels and imagining their sizes compared with, well, everything he’d had inside him before. “You know what size you want?” Scout came up behind him, quickly wrapping his arms around Sniper’s waist and squeezing before disentangling and grabbing a couple more dildos off the shelf.

“…something challenging?” Sniper raised an eyebrow and made his best suggestive face to Scout, who laughed and reached down at something at the bottom of the display, lifting up a clamshell case that contained a dildo approximately two feet long and thicker around than Sniper’s fist.

Sniper fumbled the box he was carrying, putting it back on the shelf and staring at the toy in Scout’s hand.

Then, they both cracked up.

“God, mate,” Sniper wiped at his tears, “I said a challenge, not a trip to hospital.”

Scout dropped the toy back down in its spot and picked up a more appropriate-sized one. “This? It’s even our team color!”

Taking it from Scout’s hands, Sniper flipped it over a few times and tried to imagine how it would feel inside him, hard silicone and a couple of inches bigger than Scout.

“Let’s do it.”

Scout grabbed the toy out of his hand and hurried his way over to the counter, only for Sniper to reach out and grab on the hood of his sweatshirt. Scout turned around and saw Sniper with the oversized dildo in his other hand. “What, you wanna work your way up to that?” 

“I wanna leave it out on the table, I think Spy’s been sneaking his way into my van.”

**Author's Note:**

> look, I love cocky in control sniper as much as everyone else but sniper's who's cocky and in control with everything except sex is also a good thing
> 
> also I'm. pretty sure I got the idea that the gravel wars are a 9-to-5 and when they're off time they can do whatever from cornpony's fics just to give proper credit


End file.
